The other day I was reading an article online about the love a husband and wife had for each other. It was written by their daughter, who was now an adult and had lost her parents some years before. She felt as a child, that they saw her as a nuisance and remembers her parents telling her that they loved her, but not as much as they loved each other.
The article provoked a lot of comments. In particular, I noticed a lot of mothers wrote that they loved their children more than their husbands. A lot of men wrote about how they felt jealous of their children, particularly when they are small, as they take their wives away from them.
When I was pregnant, I remember one particular Friday night when I came home from work and went about my general business. My husband was having drinks after work and I remember looking at the clock. Then I looked at my bump. Then I burst into tears. I didn't like the fact that I was pregnant and my husband was out. What if didn't come home? What if something terrible happened to him? I couldn't work out why I was being so irrational. I never minded him going out for a drink before.
Looking back, I was totally hormonal, but this type of feeling happened quite often. I was feeling territorial about my new family unit. When I was in labour, every time my husband rubbed my back or let me cling onto him, I felt such peace. I could not have gotten through that experience without him.
The love I feel for my husband and my son goes deep. But its a different kind of love, the love I feel for each of them. It doesn't mean its any less or more than the other. Its definitely primal, I'm very protective of my little family unit.
Its important that I spend time alone with my husband. Where we can still be just 'us'.
I find it interesting how other people feel.
4 comments:
I get what you are saying exactly Jo. My thoughts are, that if you can protect that realtionship between Mum & Dad (even in seperation, should that happen) you create a happy home for the child.
I know what you are saying- I became very attached to my husband while I was pregnant too, that kind of deep seated emotional fear of him leaving me (probably for a woman who wasn't carting around an extra 5-10kgs of baby, placenta, & liquid).
I think there is a balance though, I've known kids where their parents were so in love with each other they almost excluded their children from that love. Then again, I've also known people who lived for their children only, their marriage was destroyed, and that messed the kids up too!
Ah, marriage and parenting. Never easy, is it?
I think your title says it all. It's a different kind of love. I love Maggie and Bill to death, but in different ways. Bill has never seemed jealous of me spending time with Maggie... well maybe a little, but only because he was eager for some father-daughter time, not because he missed me! LOL. He and I definitely spend less time together just the two of us, compared to before Maggie. But that's because we spend less time on everything now compared to before Maggie. Parents simply have fewer free hours in the day. We've been able to not take it personally, and that has helped us keep everything in perspective.
I too think your title says it all. As corny and obvious as it may sound - I definitely feel a MUCH different love with my husband than with my 2 boys.
I too think it is very important to get time for all those relationships to prosper separately. We've just had a weekend away as husband and wife - it was wonderful to enjoy that time without being called mummy and daddy and doing those related tasks. But we feel most comfortable to all be home again together.
Not more, not less...just different.
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