It's a different kind of love

The other day I was reading an article online about the love a husband and wife had for each other.  It was written by their daughter, who was now an adult and had lost her parents some years before.  She felt as a child, that they saw her as a nuisance and remembers her parents telling her that they loved her, but not as much as they loved each other. 

The article provoked a lot of comments.  In particular, I noticed a lot of mothers wrote that they loved their children more than their husbands.  A lot of men wrote about how they felt jealous of their children, particularly when they are small, as they take their wives away from them.

When I was pregnant, I remember one particular Friday night when I came home from work and went about my general business.  My husband was having drinks after work and I remember looking at the clock.  Then I looked at my bump.  Then I burst into tears.  I didn't like the fact that I was pregnant and my husband was out.  What if didn't come home?  What if something terrible happened to him?  I couldn't work out why I was being so irrational.  I never minded him going out for a drink before.

Looking back, I was totally hormonal, but this type of feeling happened quite often.  I was feeling territorial about my new family unit.  When I was in labour, every time my husband rubbed my back or let me cling onto him, I felt such peace.  I could not have gotten through that experience without him.

The love I feel for my husband and my son goes deep.  But its a different kind of love, the love I feel for each of  them.  It doesn't mean its any less or more than the other.  Its definitely primal, I'm very protective of my little family unit. 

Its important that I spend time alone with my husband.  Where we can still be just 'us'. 

I find it interesting how other people feel. 

Grumpy Old Lady

36.  Quite an in between age.  Not quite middle aged, although not a spring chicken either.

The other night I said to my husband, did I just get 'old' without realising it?  Or do I feel 'old' because I have a child?

There are the physical signs.  My hairdresser noticed a grey hair on top of my head the last time I saw her.  Instead of freaking out, I just shrugged.  The peroxide was going to cover it anyway.

I have permanent dark circles under my eyes.  No amount of sleep is ever going to take them away.  I noticed them the minute I gave birth to Liam.  The weary look that most mum's have. 

Then there are the stretchmarks and wrinkles.  Believe me, I have no urge to run out and get botox.  I've pretty much accepted my body has changed and will continue to change.

It’s the other stuff.  The stuff that makes me feel like I should be packing my pipe and shuffling permanently around in my comfortable slippers.

I can't listen to any radio stations in my car.  The DJ's are immature, they insult my intelligence and the music is god awful.  Until the day I can get UK Radio 1 podcast directly to my car, its going to be me and 720 AM for the trip to work.  Or Coldplay.  To hear myself complain out loud 'why don't they make any decent music anymore?' makes me cringe.

I steer clear of teenagers on public transport.  Teenage girls have morphed into Paris Hilton and speak like her.  Teenage boys smell.  Or they have their I-Phones playing at ear smashing volume and again, their choice of music is questionable.

For Mother's Day my boys gave me a voucher for the ABC shop.  It really was the best present.  I could spend hours in that shop.  And I gave my husband the hint to buy it for me. 

Documentaries on SBS and ABC now hold a huge fascination for me. 

I've become less tolerant of bullshit.  Why should I put up with it? 

Even gardening has become quite interesting to me.

So, I've come to the realisation I am a Grumpy Old Woman.  When the show comes on, I sit glued to it and can relate to every single facet of it. 

Good lord.  What am I going to be like at 40?

Return of the Mac

My latest obsession right now is trying to find the perfect Winter Coat/Parka/Mac.  I did find a beautiful military style camel/pink coat in Paper Scissors yesterday for the bargain price of $60 and I snapped it up, because it was quite unusual.  I do love these Macs from ASOS though.  I think I might have to have another look at this very addictive site tonight when Liam heads off to bed.  My two pairs of trousers arrived last week and I am so impressed with the quality.

I've noticed in the city there is a sea of black and grey.  While the weather is so dull, I want to feel bright, so these Macs would brighten up any cold day.

Autumn leaves

Down to the park we went, around the corner from our house.

It was early Saturday morning, and most people in our neighbourhood came out to pick up their morning paper from the front lawn and nodded good morning to us as we walked by.  What would take 2 minutes to walk to the park took about 15, but I didn't mind.

Your hand was in mine, and we took the walk as slowly as we could.  You pointed out clouds, fences, mailboxes and cars.  In fact, you seemed to point out things that I wouldn't normally notice.

Loaded up in my arms where a soccer ball and football.  I was planning to kick the ball around with you.  We got to the park and you spotted a pile of neat, crunchy leaves.  You were enthralled by them for about an hour.  You kicked them and threw them up in the air.  You pretended they were fireworks and giggled when a gust of wind blew them up in the air.

I watched you.  You were so happy and in your own little world.  How I loved our little moment together.

Such a beautiful Saturday morning.

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