'Just the one little boy you have?' says the lady to me in the checkout at my local supermarket. 'Yes'. I smile. 'Planning anymore soon? You don't want too much of an age gap', she comments. 'Maybe', I smile.
This is a question I get asked a lot. Random strangers will ask me, or people I know. Liam is two now, so I guess people are curious. After finding out today that Nicole Kidman had her second child via surrogate, it got me thinking about the possibility of having a second child.
Liam took 13 months to conceive. I became obsessed with taking temperatures, doing the 'do' at the right time and absolutely anything it would take to get pregnant. I remember many times crying on the toilet after each failed pregnancy test and praying hard that one day it would happen for us. And one day, without my noticing it, it just did. I remember going for a walk that night with my husband and staring up at the stars with tears in my eyes, thanking god for our blessing.
Because to be able to fall pregnant and carry that child and then give birth to a healthy child is the ultimate blessing. Dealing with infertility and coming to the realisation that you may never be able to have a child would be the hardest thing one would have to go through, and with that comes an aching grief.
So, I understand why Nicole would want to extend her family, if she was not able to do so herself. Families come in all shapes and sizes and no one will know why Nicole has had to use a surrogate. But I wish her and Keith all the best.
As for my little family? I feel there is a second child for us in the future. I'm not quite sure when it will happen though. I'd like to think it'll be before I turn 40. I'm aware there are risks associated with being an older mother. For some reason I'm not that crazy baby lady I remember four years ago, just after we got married. What will be will be because I'm very happy with the beautiful blessing that is my amazing son Liam.
2 comments:
Jo, our sons were born around the same time, I am going through exactly the same thing at the moment. I get lectured by random strangers about not leaving it too late to have another one, or how he 'needs' a younger brother to play with. My immediate family is great, it's the extended family that keeps pushing, I cringe everytime someone asks "when are you going to have the next one?"
We didn't have a problem conceiving, but emotionally I had a very difficult first 18 months with our son, so I have to decide when we are ready to go again, not other people who have no idea of our personal situation.
Good-luck, only you know your personal situation, just give those random strangers a little nod & a smile.
I could have written this post about six years ago. It took us three years to conceive our first and I was revoltingly, hugely and never-endingly ill for pretty much the entire pregnancy. So while we really did want a second child I was in no rush and was amazed at the people, strangers and otherwise, who felt the need to tell me to hurry up and get myself pregnant again. As it turned out, our second was conceived inside a couple of weeks of our deciding to 'try' for another. And the pregnancy was even worse.
As Rebecca says, only you know your personal situation.
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